Lately there’s been a lot of talk about the idea of "romanticizing" your life - and I’m here for it.

Long before this was a thing, I enjoyed embellishing all kinds of regular experiences in my head. As a kid, I was a bookworm; therefore, I had a rich internal fantasy life- possibly bordering on delusional at times.

Sometimes I was doing my chores but pretending I was an orphan forced to do this unpleasant work at the orders of a cruel headmistress.

When it appeared that I was simply roller skating in circles around the driveway in a leotard, I was actually delivering a gold medal Olympic figure skating performance.

If someone asked me to set the table for dinner, I was most certainly preparing the great hall for a royal feast- fancy ladies in silk dresses could be arriving any minute.

Now that I’m in my 40’s, it’s a bit embarrassing to admit to. But I still do this all the time.

I am, after all, still the same little girl at heart.

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When I play this game, it’s invisible. It’s completely in my head, and usually when I’m home alone. There are no witnesses.

Often I wonder… do most adults still play pretend? Or if people don't still play these games with themselves, would they be willing to try?

Here are some examples of how I still make-believe in my home, setting scenes for myself like I'm the leading lady in a never-ending movie.

Don't judge me, please. Or do. But these things make my days more interesting and bring me joy… so I don't really care. I'm not going to stop.

Boring Task:

Office Work

Character:

Reclusive Writer

Setting the scene:

I grab my mug of coffee and step into my office. Skipping the bright overhead light, I curate a broody scene. I usually light a 3-wick candle but today I'm in a mood…so I light a stick of incense.

The desk is cluttered. The shelves overflow. It feels like all the thoughts and feelings that live bottled up inside me have spilled outside my head and into physical existence. Books I’ve collected all my life, quotes posted everywhere, and photos and art tucked anywhere there’s an open inch. I’m in my cave. This is the place I will haunt if I die too young; my family will know where to find my ghost.

The steaming cup rests on a coaster stationed to my left as I write. The goal was 10 minutes, but flow kicks in. I write so long that I lose track of time and forget to wake my kids up for school.

Alone with my thoughts, I'm a literary giant. I huddle in dim seclusion as I channel this groundbreaking literary masterpiece the world has been waiting for (nevermind that I'm actually writing a roundup of 10 ways to rearrange your living room furniture).

Boring Task:

Getting Ready

Character:

Fancy Spa Lady

Setting the scene:

I slide the heavy door open, revealing a bright, sunlit treatment room. In the center of the space awaits a tub of steaming water, perfectly prepared with therapeutic salts. A teak tray balances on the rim, laden with a selection of hair and body treatments. Clutching my fluffy, white towel and a cup of hot lemon water, I step into the enclosure. Gently dipping my toe in the water, I test the temperature. As I slide beneath the surface, everything dissolves.

Emerging red, wrinkly and a little bit dizzy from the heat, I find a selection of oils and lotion assembled on a countertop tray for me to choose from. I take my time applying body oil and face serums to my warm skin before slipping on a robe that hangs on a nearby hook.

I move to the vanity area and delight at a flickering candle and the complete collection of hair tools that will surely transform me.

Finally, I emerge- refreshed, feeling fancy and ready to face the remaining hours of the day. And I didn’t even have to pull out a credit card!

Boring Task:

Cooking Dinner

The Character:

Classy Movie Mom

The Ritual:

Again, it begins with lighting. Striking a match to light a candle, turning on the lamps. Sometimes I feel like putting something soft on the speakers; Frank Sinatra in the Fall or reggae in the Summer.

Other times, I enjoy the hum of the evening news in the background as I chop. I might pour myself a glass of wine or fill a glass with some sparkling water. But make it a fancy glass, please.

I try to notice things I might want to remember someday. The way the light looks streaming through the windows, for example, or the sound of a ball bouncing downstairs where my son plays in the evenings. I might steal a moment to stop and watch my daughter outside the sliding glass door. She’s bouncing on the trampoline, living her own moment with her own music on the other side of the glass.

It’s easy to love the way the house feels when there is something hearty bubbling under the heavy lid of the cast-iron pot on the stove. Later, I will lift it and properly plate a meal to present to each family member. A swirl of fettuccine, slices of chicken, a wedge of lemon. A gift.

Movie character me slows down and makes the moment last.

This won’t happen again tomorrow, though. I'll probably throw some tacos together quickly for everyone to grab on their own time- because it's basketball season.

There are so many more scenes that unfold throughout the course of a day.

These are just a few examples of the spaces I’ve created in our home (office, bathroom, kitchen) and the ways the details inform my experience living within them.

Of course, these are MY moments. What YOUR soul craves in the romanticized version of your best day might look very different from mine.

Maybe your ideal morning finds you on a pretty path by the water, bundled up against the morning fog as you pump cold air through your lungs and take in a warm, red sunrise. Classic movie moment, right there.

Or perhaps you're the kind of friendly, outgoing main character who sits on the porch in the afternoon with a cold pitcher of iced tea, engaging in easy conversation with passersby. What would it feel like to make that scene come to life?

Whatever you want to do in a day, whatever you HAVE TO DO in a day... how can you create your spaces and shift your mindset to make the moments more lovely?

The secret I've realized about all this is that for this approach to be successful, it really will look like you’re being a bit delusional. Fanciful. It will feel silly at first, until you get used to it.

Decades into indulging in these dramatic interpretations of real-life, I think this is the first time I’ve ever shared this with anyone.

The truth is that no, nothing is sexy about cleaning your closet. But with a little mental gymnastics, you can become one of the experts from The Home Edit, completing a CELEBRITY CLOSET MAKEOVER TRANSFORMATION! So much more fun. And then you get to be the celebrity each time you step into your neatly organized dressing room after that.

There’s no end to the fun you can make!

I'm trying to be looser with ideas on this Substack and be real about the things that run through my head. I’m sharing this in case someone out there needs permission to try a different approach to break out of a rut.

If this all seems weird- maybe it isn’t for you! But if it seems intriguing, give it a try this week.

Let’s bring back the whimsy!

Main Character Moments To Try:

• Cozy English Cottage Dweller- Buy some biscotti, heat a proper cup of tea in a kettle, and pour it into a real teacup WITH A SAUCER. Take a break in the afternoon and sit with your tea in a sunny corner (no phones allowed). Bonus points if you invite a friend or a neighbor, even your toddler. Now it’s a “tea PARTY.”
  

• Fitness Influencer- Put on your cutest workout outfit (even if you workout at home). Do your hair in a new style (tons of cute workout hair ideas on Pinterest) and pretend you'll be recording your latest workout. Actually workout (sorry, it’s prob necessary). Once you’ve earned that post-workout glow, don't forget to make your healthy smoothie or drop by your favorite green juice shop.

• Girl on Holiday- Pretend you're an out-of-towner and explore your town with fresh eyes. Stop by a local, independent coffee shop. Get a latte FOR HERE, and sit at the table by the window while you drink from a real mug. Then, wander through shops and take your time picking things up off the shelves at the kitchen store, reading back covers a bookstore, and smelling alllllll the candles. You don't have to buy anything, but if you can find a cute cafe for lunch and have a phone-free lunch? Do that. Make sure to order something you’ve never tried before.
  

• Supermom- Pick up supplies for a favorite dinner and prep it early if you can. When you set the table for dinner, make it look like a restaurant. Tablecloth, full place settings. Do music, candles, everything. Handwrite a menu. Once you've served them their special meal, pull out their favorite sweet treat. You'll feel good. They'll feel good. Only caveat? Don't do it again for a long, long time. We don’t want anyone getting too used to this.
  

• Chic City Shopper- Put on a cute, dressier than usual outfit (again, PINTEREST IS YOUR FRIEND if you need inspo). Dig up a recipe for something you've always wanted to make from a cookbook or online site, and write a handwritten list of the ingredients you'll need to make it. Take your cutest market tote with you and head to a specialty grocery store to get the goods. Don't forget the fancy bottle of wine or sparkling imported water and some fresh flowers! Oh, and you'll probably want a baguette too, if only so it can stick theatrically out of the top of your shopping bag.

Ok- I think by now you get the point.

I’m here, as always, to encourage you to consider how the spaces that we inhabit influence the way we live. The little details described in these scenes are really all about how we choose to interact within the spaces and places in our lives.

I will die on the hill that this matters.

Here’s to curating beautiful spaces and moments. Even if they are mostly in our heads.

xoxo,

Suzette

And constantly picking up after your ungrateful kids. And how your husband can’t seem to find the laundry basket with his dirty socks.

I understand the urge, I really do. Whether you’re a stay-at-home mom or a working mom, the research is pretty clear- women do the lion’s share of domestic tasks in most partnered relationships.

It’s easy to let resentment creep in when you feel like you’re shouldering the burden of the labor, because…it’s a LOT. The mental load is real, and coupled with mom brain, PPD, or just the stress of being a human being in the year 2025 the weight can feel unbearable.

HOWEVER -and I realize this might be an unpopular opinion- I think the public narrative of mom martyrdom is getting a little bit out of hand.

A few years back I started seeing people push back on the “mommy needs wine” concept.

Yes, it can be cute and lighthearted for moms to make TikToks about their nightly glass of wine, but it can also be really problematic in some cases. I found myself deep in the comments on both sides of these arguments and it sparked even broader reflection about how easy it is to get swept up in justifying a chosen mindset based on the prevalent attitudes of the voices you hear coming from your screens.

One day when I was cooking dinner I wondered- how can I make this feel like less of a chore and make it a more joyful experience?

I opened the blinds and turned on a show I’d been wanting to watch. I lit a candle by the sink. And I really tried to reframe my intention- providing a sustaining and comforting meal for the people I love. Surprise, surprise. It was a much more enjoyable experience.

We used to joke about my Nana’s baking- that it tasted so good because it was made with lots of butter….and LOVE.

And you know what? I’ve realized that sentiment wasn’t a joke after all. Except the unexpected twist here - and this is key…. is that it tastes better for you, the baker too.

Here are some examples of mindset shifts I’ve made that improve my attitude about my domestic workload:

• When I deliver a basket of freshly folded clothes to my daughter’s room, I remember that it’s an act of service (if you haven’t learned about the love languages as a parent yet, I highly recommend reading this book btw). I tell myself that I have a short window of time to bless her in this way before she’s on her own. I’m showing her how nice it feels to have neatly folded shirts and shorts, and I’m giving her a model for what this can look like when it’s her time to takeover. Is she helpless? Absolutely not. She knows how to do her own laundry and does it sometimes. And I almost always have her put it away. But I CHOOSE to do this small thing for her as an expression of love.

• Cooking dinner is sometimes one of my most dreaded chores. I love cooking but our afternoons are busy and there are a lot of different food preferences at our house so it can feel defeating at times. I generally stick to boring basics - tacos, spaghetti- for my sanity. But once a week I ask one person to make a special request. This week my son’s eyes lit up when I asked and he asked, “Can we have fettuccine alfredo?” Absolutely, yes. It’s a messy, time consuming and really inconvenient meal. But it’s one of my favorite things to make precisely because of those things. You don’t slap this one together. It takes time, planning and intention. It’s an act of love, and I know he feels it because of the excitement in his voice when he made his request.

“This all seems well and good,” you might be thinking. “But it’s hard for because of xyx.”

Health challenges, a difficult work schedule, family/relationship issues all have a way of hijacking our brains and making daily survival feel impossible. I get it.

When your brain is on overload and you’re in survival mode it can feel like you’re drowning. But I PROMISE that this works if you start to do it regularly.

The bottom line? It’s a choice.

Similar to the way practicing gratitude can have a significant impact on mental health and quality of life, learning to view the repetitive, monotonous tasks involved with caring for your home in a positive light will lead to tremendous improvement in your quality of life.

As a former resentful chore-doer, I can attest that this approach has changed my days for the better.

There is one caveat, however:

None Of This Works Without (Real) Self-Care

Let’s talk about self-care for a minute.

If we’re basing our definition on meme culture, self-care is all about luxury bath products, impulse shopping, and sweet lil’ treats.

I think (hope???) people are just joking when they circulate, like and share this type of thing but on the off chance that you have ever bought into the idea that self-care is an activity based on consumption…it’s time for a reframe.

Self-care is about doing what you need to do to take care of yourself. Seems simple. Basic, even.

But for a lot of women, it’s not.

On the outside looking in, I probably look like I somewhat have my life together. But the truth is I constantly struggle with some of the most basic forms of self-care:

• Taking time to make meaningful social connection with friends + family

• Moving my body/getting to the gym

• Drinking water

• Saying “no” to things I don’t want to do

• Removing myself from stressful/triggering environments

• Slowing down and resting when I’m tired

So is it any surprise that I feel cranky and irritable when faced with a mountain of laundry, a way too long to-do list, and not enough groceries in the fridge to fix a passable dinner? No. Not surprising in the least.

When tasks pile up, you had nothing to eat or drink but black coffee all day, and you are feeling run-down and overstimulated it’s hard to recover and have the presence of mind for this type of mindset shift. Anyone would be in a bad mood!

This strategy won’t work unless you put on your oxygen mask first and take care of yourself!

A Secret You Might Not Know

This brings me to my point, and something I don’t think most people really understand.

I already mentioned how much my attitude on certain tasks improved when I shifted my mindset toward service and showing love for others.

But can we get a little bit selfish here?

What you might not realize is that, ultimately, YOU are the biggest beneficiary when you take the time to care for your home environment well.

Picture this:

You woke up early and got to read a few chapters of your new book. You ate something healthy you enjoyed for breakfast and took a walk with a friend on your lunch break.

You did a 15-minute cleanup before you left the house this morning, so when you walk back in the door your house feels reasonably clean- you focus on the good feelings of being home, not the mess.

You have empty hooks to hang your bags on and a basket to put your shoes in when you close the door. As you walk down the hall you pass sentimental photos of your kids that hang on the wall and smile at their familiar faces looking down at you.

Dinner isn’t an issue because you picked up your groceries yesterday for this week’s meal plan. You know exactly what you’re making for dinner (maybe it’s already in the crockpot?).

You can help your kids get ready for practice or do some homework with a clearer head because you don’t have a running checklist of house chores you need to do before bedtime taking up all your processing capacity. You can be fully present in your evening routine and enjoy quality time with your family; maybe you can even relax on the couch together!

This might seem like a romanticized version of reality but it’s not- it’s what happens to your mental state when you take care of yourself.

This scenario is the culmination of tiny self-care behaviors:

• Waking Up Early

• Eating Well

• Exercise

• Reading for Pleasure

Mixed with home-care behaviors:

• Meal Planning + Prep

• Micro-Cleanups/Cleaning Burts

• Intentional Organizing

• Meaningful Decorating

Truly, these actions all qualify as self care, because the end result is better mental, emotional, and physical wellness for YOU.

A Gift To Your Future Self

Resetting the kitchen before you go to bed is a gift to your future self.

The you that will wake up tomorrow morning and have a more peaceful experience because of the actions that past you lovingly made the night before.

Same goes for the version of you that did your laundry on Sunday (knowing you have a busy week ahead) or the version of you that does one load every weekday (knowing that you need to save your weekends to decompress and not do housework!).

Nobody knows you better than YOU.

So make it a habit to regularly ask yourself questions like:

• What am I struggling with right now? What changes can I make to my routine to make that easier?

• Are there any changes to my routine coming up that I need to prepare for? What actions can I take to make the shift more managable?

• What makes me feel most at peace in my home? How can I focus on that?

I’m in no way saying that looking at your duties at home this way makes them somehow go away. You still have to put away the laundry and wash the dishes.

But I find that it makes it easier getting things done when I anticipate the reward of the positive feelings my future self will feel if I do them.

And I’m a little easier on myself when I let certain things (ahem, the piles of clothes on the ottoman in our closet) go.

Micro-Routine Suggestions

If this still sounds too vague and unrealistic, here are some concrete behaviors that mix self-care with home care.

These are examples of micro-routines can make a big difference in your mood and the feeling of your home. There short time means they are doable for anyone, whether you work or stay at home.

Truly, they are a great place to start if you are new to all this! Once you make them a habit you won’t even realize you’re doing them- you just will. These behaviors can feel as routine as brushing your teeth.

I personally do all of these every day (except the laundry because I prefer to do one dedicated “laundry day” a week). They keep my workload under control and there are no decisions to be made- it’s all mindless and automatic.

Morning Resets

1. Make the bed with intention → Pretend you’re making your bed for special guests. Think smoothing the sheets, fluffing the pillows, maybe even adding a spritz of lavender linen spray if you’re feeling fancy.

2. Open the curtains & a windows → I do this every morning and it feels so good! Open the curtains or blinds to let in sunlight + if it’s nice enough, crack the windows to let in the cool morning air (even if just for 5 minutes). It’s an instant energy shift for you and your home. My son was lying in my bed when I did it last Sunday morning and he remarked, “that feels so good!” when the warmth of the morning sun hit him. Don’t underestimate this simple action- everyone in your home will feel its impact!

3. Clear the kitchen counters after breakfast → Don’t start the day with a sink full of dirty dishes! Totally the wrong vibe. Unload and reload the dishwasher after completing your morning breakfast routine and give the counters a quick wipedown with a pleasant counter spray.

Afternoon Anchors
4. One-surface tidy → Later in the day, choose one surface (coffee table, entry console, kitchen island) and clear it completely. This feels like a visual sigh of relief and it boosts your home-care confidence! I like to do this right before I head out to pick my kids up from school as an anchor in my daily routine.
5. Laundry quick win → If you’re a one load a day person, fold one load while listening to music, a podcast, or just in quiet. It’s 10 minutes that clears both space + mental load. Bonus points if you can put everything away immediately!
6. Sweep or vacuum the main living area → You can cheat a bit here, it doesn’t need to be the whole house! If you’re short on time, just focus on the high-traffic zones for a fresher feel. If you invest in a robot vacuum this task becomes even easier.

Evening Wind-Downs
7. Put your kitchen to bed → Load and run the dishwasher every night. No exceptions. Clear surfaces, wipe down your counters, and prep your coffee pot to brew on auto. You’ll thank yourself in the morning.
8. Take a clutter walk → Walk through main rooms with a basket, gather out-of-place items. Put them back or stash to sort later if they’re from an out of the way spot.
9. Mood lighting + reset ritual → Light a candle and/or lamps, turn off overhead lights, tidy one corner before settling in for the evening.

Weekly Routine ( <15 min)
10. Fresh flowers or greens swap → Buy or gather a fresh arrangement (or trim stems + refresh water if last week’s blooms are still good).
11. Fridge reset → Wipe a single shelf or rinse out a drawer. Remove anything that’s nearing empty or past its prime and restock fresh food after you grocery shop. This can extend to your drink fridge, snack drawer or organized pantry.
12. Entryway refresh → Straighten shoes, hang up coats and bags (or put them back in the closet). Shake out rugs and mop the floor.

Over the years I’ve done so much self-reflection on my journey as a wife, mother and homemaker. After years of wrestling with the ins and outs of maintaining a family home, I’ve finally started to feel a sort of simple peace in the way I look at these rhythms that take up my days.

My goal for this post (and the others I write) is to help others who are still wrestling with the same feelings. There are hard parts and mornings where I feel like distracting myself from it all by crawling back into bed and scrolling on my phone- I’ll be honest! But the more lean into making this experience the best I can for myself and the people I love, the less I come across those types of days.

I feel so much more peace in my home (and my heart!).

I’d love to hear from you- which micro-routines help you in your day to day life?

Leave a comment

Thanks for reading this week’s post. I’m glad you’re here!

xoxo,

Suzette

This post contains one or more affiliate links. I may receive a small commission from any product you purchase after clicking one of my links; this does not increase the cost of the item to you. Thank you for helping support the work I do by shopping my product recommendation links! xoxo Suzette

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In the morning -

Bring in all the ripe tomatoes

and basil, rosemary and thyme that

the summer

left for you to enjoy.

Or grab some at a farmer’s market or the store -

that works too!

Arrange them on a pretty pan

with herbs, garlic, a spoonful of sugar,

and sprinkles of salt, pepper and red pepper flakes.

Then drizzle it all with olive oil.

Roast it until it feels right.

In the afternoon-

Puree the cooled tomatoes and simmer

with a little parmesan (maybe cream

if you’re craving something richer?).

Make some ricotta cavatelli pasta

and chill the dough.

In the evening-

Pour a glass of wine

and hand roll the pasta.

(I like to listen to music or watch

a show while I work).

After dinner put the extra sauce

in a mason jar in the freezer

for a winter night when there

are no more tomatoes

and you don’t feel like cooking.

This is what I want my Sundays to feel like.

Click Here To Shop LTK Links For the Items Pictured In This Post (Affiliate Links)

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I’ve been reflecting on my

grandmother as 

I get older.



She grows flowers 

in the yard and puts them in a

vase on the table.



As a kid, I watched her work 

around the house in the morning

after her coffee 

and a cookie or two.



Then she’d pause again at the table

by her flowers 

to have a quiet lunch with my grandfather 

when he came inside from 

working on the farm.



When I was little, 

I would sit with them too

and enjoy a quiet pause

alongside a turkey sandwich with lettuce, 

a slice of fresh tomato

and a handful of Ruffles.



I never felt rushed

or in a hurry.

Never thought I should

be somewhere else.



I was right where I was supposed to be

at that kitchen table.  

And that’s the kind of life I want to live.



It’s been a long and winding road

to right back where I started.

For awhile, I lost sight

of what matters.



Today I turned on the faucet and

filled the vase with water for

the flowers from my late summer garden.

I’m growing sweet peas 

just like she did back then.



I sat down with my plate 

and paused

while I ate my lunch 

in a quiet, peaceful house 

alone.



The kids will come home soon

and maybe I’ll help with homework

or listen to something funny

that happened during 8th period.



I’ll greet my husband when he 

walks through the door 

and put steak and potatoes on the table.



I’ll fold the rest of the laundry 

and no one will notice when I 

pair their socks and tuck them 

neatly away.



It might not seem like much,

but I choose this. 

It’s how I wanted to spend this day.



When I lay down tonight, 

I will reflect on what I have and have not done.  

And I will sleep well

knowing that I love 

and I am loved. 



Tomorrow there will be 

more flowers and more

quiet moments at home.  



And I’ll appreciate

the stillness.

xoxo,
Suzette

A whisper of a suggestion. A fleeting thought that crosses your mind, or a glimmer of hope when you notice a path that, if followed, might lead you in a different direction: the direction you’re meant to go.

You might take note of this novel idea.

You think, “Hmm. That was odd.”

But most likely, you’ll let that nudge float away like a feather on the breeze. You’ll dismiss it as just another silly thought because you don’t understand. It doesn’t make sense.

What was that all about?

So he speaks again, a little louder this time. He offers something more conspicuous to grab your attention. An old friend comes to you with an unexpected story to tell. An opportunity appears from nowhere (but it didn’t come from nowhere, did it?).

By this point, you start to feel something solidify in your gut. This isn’t just coincidence. Still… you do nothing. You put your head down and keep marching down the path you’ve been walking. It’s easier that way.

Eventually, like a parent growing weary of being ignored, he must speak louder.

This time, the message is unmistakable.

“This is something you need to do. It’s part of my plan for you. It doesn’t matter if you understand it. It doesn’t matter if you feel ready, or brave enough. You have to trust…”

And that’s the point where something shifts, because there is no longer any doubt that you have received a directive. You can choose to ignore it (and accept the consequences), or you can choose to be brave and follow the call.

In the past few years, I have experienced a major shift in my internal landscape. I’ve placed my spirituality, core personal values, and political ideologies under a personal microscope.

It’s been draining, emotional, and somewhat lonely work. But I have never felt as sure of myself and what I believe as I do today.

Have you been feeling something similar? I would wager that you have, because in my conversations and reading, I am discovering that this is happening to many, many other people.

I believe it’s because God isn’t whispering to us anymore. He needs us to hear him. And be brave. He needs us to take action.

The message I have personally received (and mostly ignored up until now) is this - there is an evil at work in our society that must be stopped. The only way to do this is to become the light. We will have to stand up for what we believe and those who have been silent must share our truth…even if it is hard. Even if it makes others uncomfortable.

I bought a few candles from HomeGoods last week and when I was putting them away I noticed that one of them had the following verse engraved on the top:

“Be bold. Be Brave. Be Courageous. “ Joshua 1:9

I have bought hundreds of this brand of candle and have NEVER seen a Bible verse on one. But this one stood waiting for me, yet another message that I know in my heart is meant for me.

It is finally time for me to stop keeping my thoughts to myself. It is time to share what I really think, even if strangers on the internet disagree, judge me, or worse.

Because each person who does so opens the door for another to do the same.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Whether you call it God, intuition, your higher self… have you been hearing this call too? What are you feeling compelled to share?

I’m always reading, researching, and looking for ways to be more efficient and productive. Over the years, I have come across so many different theories about the absolute best way to get more done.

• Morning Routines

• Batching

• 4 Hour Workdays

• Cycle Syncing

• 4 Day Workweeks, etc., etc.

Different things work for different people because we all have varying life circumstances. Kids, jobs, family obligations, personality types, mental and physical health, financial resources, geographical restraints… they all play a big role in what will work best for us as individuals.

Generally, the conclusion I have come to is that the best strategy is the one that works for YOU.

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For example- there is no best way to plan. Some people need the good old visceral experience of putting pen to paper to order their days and calm their minds.

Others need a digital calendar that suits their on-the-go lifestyle.

Still others, like me, need some combination of both.

And some people resent plans with every fiber of their being; these folks live better lives without planning at all.

In my coaching and education work, I’ve always recommended that people try a lot of different systems and strategies until they find one that works.

Then get consistent with it- and stick to that method.

A New Condition

Interestingly, as I grow and evolve, I’ve started to realize that there is a key element to this whole process that I missed for all these years.

It’s not just “Do what works best for you.”

Rather, it must be “Do what works best for you in this season.”

Permitting yourself to flex with the ebb and flow of life is essential, especially in busy or chaotic periods.

As a perfectionist, it’s easy for me to fall into the trap of “I need to do it X way for it to be right.”

But that’s simply not how life works. And I write this today to lovingly remind you that there isn’t a right way to move through this upcoming holiday season.

There’s only the right way for right now.

A Different Approach

If you’ve been following my writing for the past month or so, you know that I started this season feeling behind before I even started.

Anxiety about the holidays started creeping in early in October and I knew that I was going to have to try to do something different this year if I was to have any hope of savoring the season.

My usual method is to plan, plan, plan. I write lists and schedule days to accomplish tasks. I try to get as much done as I can early in the season and I block off entire days to dedicate to tasks like cookie baking, home decorating, etc.

Both the planning and the execution of these days have been enjoyable for me in the past. But this year, for whatever reason, I just don’t have it in me.

So I’m taking a different approach. I’m admitting that what has worked for me in the past doesn’t feel like it fits this year and I’m going to permit myself to let things be different.

What I’m Doing Instead

I’m guessing you’ve heard this old joke.

(Well, maybe it’s not a joke. Is it a colloquialism? A saying? Not sure what to call it now that I think about it…)

Q: How do you eat an elephant?

A: One bite at a time.

I think about this a lot, and I remind my kids of it often. But I’m really leaning into it right now. Because slow and steady feels right.

When it comes to my holiday workload (both mental and physical), I am chipping away at things day by day, one bite at a time.

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Here’s What This Looks Like For Me In Practice:

Christmas Decorating

Old Way: Decorate the whole house from top to bottom the day after Thanksgiving.

New Way: I started in early November doing one small (1 Hour or Less) task every few days.

So far I have:

• Put Away Fall/Halloween Decor (1 hour)

• Cleaned off Porch (20 minutes)

• Put Up Kids’ Trees (15 minutes)

• Brought Up Faux Trees (No decorations - 30 minutes)

• Unpacked Holiday Shelf Decor (1 Hour)

• Styled Shelves (30 minutes)

• Styled Mantle (30 minutes)

Not quite done conquering the list, but doing one thing at a time as it feels good to do so has felt very manageable to me. All of the tasks that I normally reserve for Black Friday are done. It’s not hanging over my head anymore. And now I can use that day to relax or get even further ahead when that day rolls around.

Simplification: Additionally, I have eliminated decorating an entire level of our house this year (the basement) because no one went down there last year and I determined it wasn’t worth my time. I left it to my kids to decorate their rooms to their liking, but I’m not messing with it. Sometimes it’s not just about how can you simplify- it’s what can you eliminate.

Gift Giving

Old Way: Marathon shopping days with pressure to cross everyone off the list.

New Way: Buying things here and there and throwing them into a corner in my office closet until a TBD wrapping session.

Simplification: We’re focusing on selecting a few “big-ticket” gifts and less trinkety stuff for the kids. Less to buy, less to wrap. Less to manage, clean-up and maintain in the coming year.

Meal Planning

Old Way: Planning a December menu a whole month out in advance.

New Way: Taking it one week at a time (or even one day at a time).

Simplification: Allowing leftovers to be an acceptable dinner option and not trying to win any chef-of-the-year awards. Tacos. Spaghetti. Soup. Steak. Chicken of some sort. Pizza night. Repeat.

Daily Routine

Old Way: Stick to it. This is the time when people slide! Don’t break your habits!

New Way: Do what must be done, one day at a time. Looking at the whole filled-in calendar is feeling overwhelming to me. So just look at today (a week at most). I’m listen to your body that’s telling me it needs rest and avoiding overscheduling my days.

Simplification: This time of year, more than ever, I have to stick to the mantra, “If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no.” This might mean feeling some guilt at RSVPing no to a party so that I can stay home and watch the Santa Claus in my pajamas. It might mean disappointing a family member who wants me to attend an event that drains me. But they’ll get over it. The world will not come to an end, no matter how much my people-pleasing inner critic tries to tell you otherwise. Same goes for you.

The Takeaway

If you walk away with one understanding from this post, I hope it’s this:

You have permission to approach this holiday season in the way that works best for you.

It may look similar to years past (but it’s also ok if it doesn’t). You can do exactly the same things you’ve always done - in a different way. Or, you can choose to scale back in the areas that aren’t giving you life.

Whatever is right for you in this season is what’s right.

Proceed accordingly.

xoxo

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(I don’t reasonably expect that this is going to happen… but it’s a goal. Goals are good, right?)

The present, pressing things on my to-do list keep getting pushed to the back burner though. Instead, my brain keeps drifting toward the upcoming year.

What are my goals for next year? What is the PLAN?!?

This paradoxical form of procrastination has been driving me crazy. Why am I planning the NEXT thing when I need to deal with the things that are staring me in the face right this moment?

The human brain will go to great lengths to protect itself. And I believe that mine is doing this to try to protect me from the anxiety that I have started to feel over the past few years about the sheer volume of tasks and events and small details that land on my plate every year at this time.

The Lazy Genius Method

At the suggestion of a number of friends, I finally caught the latest episode of The Lazy Genius podcast (see footnote) yesterday, and she was talking about listmaking.

She suggests that listeners should brain-dump a list of everything coming up in the next month that:

1. Feels Overwhelming

2. Doesn’t Have a Plan

Then, we should:

1. Prioritize What We Want To Dive Into

2. Make Things Easier Where We Can

3. Let Go Of Things Wherever Possible

As she spoke, it occurred to me that part of the reason I am doing this bizarre procrastination-disguised-as-planning thing is that I don’t even know what I am dealing with.

Worst Case Scenarios

As someone raised by a parent who is adamant about “preparing for the worst-case scenario”… this manifests in wild ways in my brain.

“I might possibly have to host Thanksgiving AND Christmas dinners for 25 people, because I haven’t actually sat down to have any conversations with people about the actual plan.”

Has this ever happened?

No!!! And it probably never will. But in my mind it could…

And therein lies a big part of my problem.

Almost everything feels overwhelming to me precisely because my procrastination has prevented me from making a plan.

Making Plans, Taking Back Control

Yesterday I decided I’m tired of feeling this way, so I sat down to start taking back control of my life and my sanity.

Here’s what I did:

1. | Got Out My Planner

Some plans are set in stone. Those are the easiest ones to manage.

The Christmas program is this date. We are going out of town on these days.

I use a paper planner and a Google Calendar, so I input those dates that I do have in both spots so I have a visual reference point. Now I can see what days have some breathing room and where I can spend focused time getting stuff done.

I also made a few phone calls and scheduled some “fun stuff” that is important to me from a sentimental standpoint.

Now I know I have carved out dedicated time for traditions and meaningful activities that are important to me. And that feels pretty good.

2. | Did the Brain Dump

Once I took the time to let it all out on paper, a pattern very quickly emerged.

I could not only see it take shape on paper, but I could actually feel it in my body as I looked at each item I wrote.

The actual holiday stuff made me feel warm and lit up. When I saw “decorating day” for example, that made me feel excited and light.

When I looked at the list of open-ended work tasks that I have given myself a deadline to finish in 3 weeks? Those are the ones that made anxiety well up in my throat and constricted my breathing a little bit.

Not a great feeling.

BUT.

This gives me something to work with. Because I know that this is where I need to focus my energy now so that I can make that feeling go away and be able to enjoy the Turkey Trot with my sister and my annual Christmas shopping day with my mom.

Next, I pulled those work items off the list and blocked off a day on my calendar to dedicate to finishing each of these projects.

• I’m dedicating a day to schedule my social media posts for all the accounts I manage from now until December 31.

• I’m setting aside a few hours to follow up with all my clients from the past year with a gift and a thank you note so that I can feel closure and tie a final (pretty) bow on those past projects.

• I’m accepting that the next few weeks might be pretty intense, but it’s for the greater good. Truthfully, there’s plenty to look forward to on the other side to make a few weeks of long work days worth it.

3. | Acknowledged The Daily Grind

One thing that she specifically mentioned on the podcast was adding was the everyday stuff. Not just the seasonal stuff.

And this is where I had to pause a little. The thought of keeping up with the laundry and prioritizing my health and cooking dinner during the busy holidays makes me want to run from the room, if I’m being honest.

But then I remembered, this is nothing new for me (and it probably isn’t for you either). In fact, I took the time to plan my December dinners a few years ago and posted it as a blog post resource that is still just as useful today.

Meal Plan Link

Maybe I can help take one little holiday stress off your plate?

I think I’m going to use this again this year as well; no need to reinvent the wheel.

I have also:

• Signed up for a healthy meal delivery service to send me lunches for the next few months to help me eating fast food during this busy season so I can feel good about my eating habits and get enough daily protein/veggies.

• Pre-Booked my workout classes to help me stay accountable for showing up consistently.

• Blocked out time for my personal care appointments (hair, nails, etc.) to keep me feeling good during this busy time.

I’d love to hear what you are feeling about the end of 2023. Are you feeling cool, calm, and collected? Or are you just as overwhelmed as me?

What strategies are you using to cope right now?

Share your thoughts in the comments; I’d love to hear from you.

xoxo,

Suzette

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Footnotes:

1. Click Here to Listen to The Lazy Genius Podcast Episode.

Working on my home styling course over the last few months has helped me focus on examining the nitty-gritty of what gives a home that certain something.

Photos by: Christa Tippmann

The conclusion I have come to is that it requires a homeowner (or two) who are willing to invest time and effort into:

• Consciously Identifying Goals For The Home

• Reflection

• Identifying a General Vision

• Maintenance

• Approaching Styling As A Fluid Process

I have spent hours of my life delving into the specifics of this 5-step process and think it encapsulates the process of creating a home.

But as I was stirring the oatmeal this morning, it occurred to me that I overlooked something.

And it’s an important something.

Discipline.

I’m not talking about some super strict, rigid set of rules that must be followed at all costs.

I’m all for flow, and play and experimentation in the home.

But it also can’t be a free for all. There has to be some semblance of order.

Decorating With Discipline

Let’s apply the concept of discipline to the 5-Step Framework:

• GOALS: Have the discipline to approach one space at a time and follow through until completion.

• REFLECTION: Have the discipline to hold off on purchasing or making big changes without first taking time to think about the desired outcome.

• VISION: Creating a list of colors/fabrics/materials/shapes/textures and having the discipline to stick to them as you shop and build out your spaces over time (repetition of these elements allows for a curated feel without chaos).

• MAINTENANCE: Like it or not, your house will never look beautiful or feel as good as it could if you neglect basic cleaning and maintainence. It doesn’t have to be photo-ready. Have the discipline to keep your home clean and (somewhat) tidy; it goes a long way.

• STYLING: Knowing how much (or how little) decor you like and staying true to what you love despite trends requires discipline as well.

If that feels like too much thinking and theory, here’s what it looks like in the real world.

1. When shopping for your home, buy primarily neutral items (grey, black, tan, and brown) according to your color palette. When faced with a choice between a fun fashion color and a neutral, I almost always go for the neutral. This reduces the chances that I will tire of the color as it goes out of style, allowing the item to remain in my core collection of decor for longer. This makes it more budget-friendly, more sustainable and allows me to confidently invest in higher quality items that I know will be with me for years.

2. Repeat the same thing. Over and over and over. And over. I always use baskets as an example of this. I am continually buying baskets for different spaces of my home. I’ve been buying them for 15 years. And for 15 years I have pretty consistently purchased the same basket material. Water hyacinth woven baskets. Now, well into this process, I can pull a basket from one room and know that it will match with the others that are already in there. Similarly, when you walk from room to room you will see that consistent motif repeated in my laundry room, office, bedroom, powder room… it adds an element of consistency and cohesion.

Do you agree? Disagree?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

xoxo,

Suzette

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Halloween was days ago but already the avalanche of holiday expectations and responsibilities is creeping up on me. The commercials have started reminding me to get on top of the holiday shopping. My instagram feed is filled with influencers telling me to hurry and buy this $200 garland quick- before it sells out. People are asking me my holiday plans at hair appointments and dinner parties and I just want to shout “I DON’T KNOW!!!”

The holidays used to be my favorite season, but as a mom and wife carrying a heavy mental load on a normal day, this added pressure and volume of events and things to plan for is starting to make me feel a little like the walls are slowly closing in.

Just typing this makes me feel a literal panic. There’s so. Much. To do.

The ridiculous thing, though? I know it is alllllll in my head.

If I don’t buy my son new shoes before the Christmas Program or I don’t get around to stringing lights on the trees this year…the world will not end.

If I don’t host an elaborate Christmas Eve Prime Rib dinner, we will not starve and no one’s childhood will be ruined.

I don’t have to do it all. I don’t have to buy it all. I don’t have to do anything, really.

And neither do you.

So I’m doing a deep breathing exercise. And I’m heading out to take a walk.

Let’s take care of ourselves this season, ok?