I'll Never Stop Playing Pretend
Sometimes the best place to live is in your imagination.
Lately there’s been a lot of talk about the idea of "romanticizing" your life - and I’m here for it.
Long before this was a thing, I enjoyed embellishing all kinds of regular experiences in my head. As a kid, I was a bookworm; therefore, I had a rich internal fantasy life- possibly bordering on delusional at times.
Sometimes I was doing my chores but pretending I was an orphan forced to do this unpleasant work at the orders of a cruel headmistress.
When it appeared that I was simply roller skating in circles around the driveway in a leotard, I was actually delivering a gold medal Olympic figure skating performance.
If someone asked me to set the table for dinner, I was most certainly preparing the great hall for a royal feast- fancy ladies in silk dresses could be arriving any minute.
Now that I’m in my 40’s, it’s a bit embarrassing to admit to. But I still do this all the time.
I am, after all, still the same little girl at heart.
When I play this game, it’s invisible. It’s completely in my head, and usually when I’m home alone. There are no witnesses.
Often I wonder… do most adults still play pretend? Or if people don't still play these games with themselves, would they be willing to try?
Here are some examples of how I still make-believe in my home, setting scenes for myself like I'm the leading lady in a never-ending movie.
Don't judge me, please. Or do. But these things make my days more interesting and bring me joy… so I don't really care. I'm not going to stop.
Boring Task:
Office Work
Character:
Reclusive Writer
Setting the scene:
I grab my mug of coffee and step into my office. Skipping the bright overhead light, I curate a broody scene. I usually light a 3-wick candle but today I'm in a mood…so I light a stick of incense.
The desk is cluttered. The shelves overflow. It feels like all the thoughts and feelings that live bottled up inside me have spilled outside my head and into physical existence. Books I’ve collected all my life, quotes posted everywhere, and photos and art tucked anywhere there’s an open inch. I’m in my cave. This is the place I will haunt if I die too young; my family will know where to find my ghost.
The steaming cup rests on a coaster stationed to my left as I write. The goal was 10 minutes, but flow kicks in. I write so long that I lose track of time and forget to wake my kids up for school.
Alone with my thoughts, I'm a literary giant. I huddle in dim seclusion as I channel this groundbreaking literary masterpiece the world has been waiting for (nevermind that I'm actually writing a roundup of 10 ways to rearrange your living room furniture).
Boring Task:
Getting Ready
Character:
Fancy Spa Lady
Setting the scene:
I slide the heavy door open, revealing a bright, sunlit treatment room. In the center of the space awaits a tub of steaming water, perfectly prepared with therapeutic salts. A teak tray balances on the rim, laden with a selection of hair and body treatments. Clutching my fluffy, white towel and a cup of hot lemon water, I step into the enclosure. Gently dipping my toe in the water, I test the temperature. As I slide beneath the surface, everything dissolves.
Emerging red, wrinkly and a little bit dizzy from the heat, I find a selection of oils and lotion assembled on a countertop tray for me to choose from. I take my time applying body oil and face serums to my warm skin before slipping on a robe that hangs on a nearby hook.
I move to the vanity area and delight at a flickering candle and the complete collection of hair tools that will surely transform me.
Finally, I emerge- refreshed, feeling fancy and ready to face the remaining hours of the day. And I didn’t even have to pull out a credit card!
Boring Task:
Cooking Dinner
The Character:
Classy Movie Mom
The Ritual:
Again, it begins with lighting. Striking a match to light a candle, turning on the lamps. Sometimes I feel like putting something soft on the speakers; Frank Sinatra in the Fall or reggae in the Summer.
Other times, I enjoy the hum of the evening news in the background as I chop. I might pour myself a glass of wine or fill a glass with some sparkling water. But make it a fancy glass, please.
I try to notice things I might want to remember someday. The way the light looks streaming through the windows, for example, or the sound of a ball bouncing downstairs where my son plays in the evenings. I might steal a moment to stop and watch my daughter outside the sliding glass door. She’s bouncing on the trampoline, living her own moment with her own music on the other side of the glass.
It’s easy to love the way the house feels when there is something hearty bubbling under the heavy lid of the cast-iron pot on the stove. Later, I will lift it and properly plate a meal to present to each family member. A swirl of fettuccine, slices of chicken, a wedge of lemon. A gift.
Movie character me slows down and makes the moment last.
This won’t happen again tomorrow, though. I'll probably throw some tacos together quickly for everyone to grab on their own time- because it's basketball season.
There are so many more scenes that unfold throughout the course of a day.
These are just a few examples of the spaces I’ve created in our home (office, bathroom, kitchen) and the ways the details inform my experience living within them.
Of course, these are MY moments. What YOUR soul craves in the romanticized version of your best day might look very different from mine.
Maybe your ideal morning finds you on a pretty path by the water, bundled up against the morning fog as you pump cold air through your lungs and take in a warm, red sunrise. Classic movie moment, right there.
Or perhaps you're the kind of friendly, outgoing main character who sits on the porch in the afternoon with a cold pitcher of iced tea, engaging in easy conversation with passersby. What would it feel like to make that scene come to life?
Whatever you want to do in a day, whatever you HAVE TO DO in a day... how can you create your spaces and shift your mindset to make the moments more lovely?
The secret I've realized about all this is that for this approach to be successful, it really will look like you’re being a bit delusional. Fanciful. It will feel silly at first, until you get used to it.
Decades into indulging in these dramatic interpretations of real-life, I think this is the first time I’ve ever shared this with anyone.
The truth is that no, nothing is sexy about cleaning your closet. But with a little mental gymnastics, you can become one of the experts from The Home Edit, completing a CELEBRITY CLOSET MAKEOVER TRANSFORMATION! So much more fun. And then you get to be the celebrity each time you step into your neatly organized dressing room after that.
There’s no end to the fun you can make!
I'm trying to be looser with ideas on this Substack and be real about the things that run through my head. I’m sharing this in case someone out there needs permission to try a different approach to break out of a rut.
If this all seems weird- maybe it isn’t for you! But if it seems intriguing, give it a try this week.
Let’s bring back the whimsy!
Main Character Moments To Try:
Cozy English Cottage Dweller- Buy some biscotti, heat a proper cup of tea in a kettle, and pour it into a real teacup WITH A SAUCER. Take a break in the afternoon and sit with your tea in a sunny corner (no phones allowed). Bonus points if you invite a friend or a neighbor, even your toddler. Now it’s a “tea PARTY.”
Fitness Influencer- Put on your cutest workout outfit (even if you workout at home). Do your hair in a new style (tons of cute workout hair ideas on Pinterest) and pretend you'll be recording your latest workout. Actually workout (sorry, it’s prob necessary). Once you’ve earned that post-workout glow, don't forget to make your healthy smoothie or drop by your favorite green juice shop.
Girl on Holiday- Pretend you're an out-of-towner and explore your town with fresh eyes. Stop by a local, independent coffee shop. Get a latte FOR HERE, and sit at the table by the window while you drink from a real mug. Then, wander through shops and take your time picking things up off the shelves at the kitchen store, reading back covers a bookstore, and smelling alllllll the candles. You don't have to buy anything, but if you can find a cute cafe for lunch and have a phone-free lunch? Do that. Make sure to order something you’ve never tried before.
Supermom- Pick up supplies for a favorite dinner and prep it early if you can. When you set the table for dinner, make it look like a restaurant. Tablecloth, full place settings. Do music, candles, everything. Handwrite a menu. Once you've served them their special meal, pull out their favorite sweet treat. You'll feel good. They'll feel good. Only caveat? Don't do it again for a long, long time. We don’t want anyone getting too used to this.
Chic City Shopper- Put on a cute, dressier than usual outfit (again, PINTEREST IS YOUR FRIEND if you need inspo). Dig up a recipe for something you've always wanted to make from a cookbook or online site, and write a handwritten list of the ingredients you'll need to make it. Take your cutest market tote with you and head to a specialty grocery store to get the goods. Don't forget the fancy bottle of wine or sparkling imported water and some fresh flowers! Oh, and you'll probably want a baguette too, if only so it can stick theatrically out of the top of your shopping bag.
Ok- I think by now you get the point.
I’m here, as always, to encourage you to consider how the spaces that we inhabit influence the way we live. The little details described in these scenes are really all about how we choose to interact within the spaces and places in our lives.
I will die on the hill that this matters.
Here’s to curating beautiful spaces and moments. Even if they are mostly in our heads.
xoxo,
Suzette